(no subject)

The easiest way to make me defiant and hard-working during samu is to tell me, "There, there, don't tax yourself with this big heavy load. You come over here, and let the nice young man take care of it." For fuck's sake. There are many reasons to have me carry a lighter load: for example, I'm a scrawny weakling. To lighten my work load because I'm a woman is not okay.

I'm really thankful for the samu, though. It seems odd, but the harder they work me, the more energy I seem to have later in the day, and the less likely I am to need an afternoon nap. Also, while working by the fire pit today, I noticed that the trees were starting to blossom, and felt spring coming after a long, cold winter.

* * *

When I heard Kujo was leaving, I didn't pay much attention. I knew, and had known for a long time, that he was going to his son's wedding around the beginning of March. Then I started hearing more talk about the matter, and finally today I asked Chi-san what was going on. Kujo, it seems, has left permanently. He fell too tied to his family to pursue monasticism for the rest of his life-- he realized he couldn't go on as he had, leaving to see his family every time something happened or his heart changed. I'm happy for him-- the monastic life isn't for everybody, and I don't think you can go into it with the mindset that you're going to spend the next 10-20 years preparing for death. Also, I think his family will be much happier with him back.

(no subject)

This afternoon, I went for a walk. I took the trail through the cedar forest to a pond and found the beginning of the bamboo forest. The bamboo stalks were tall and blocked out the sky, and they bent over in the wind and made these eerie, hollow clicking sounds. I decided to wait to explore the bamboo forest for a day when I wouldn't be alone.

When I got back to the guest house, Jazz and Bodhi were talking, and I joined in and we joked around. At one point, he asked me if I had a boyfriend, and I decided to just be honest and tell him I was a lesbian. The look on his face was shock (though with humor), and I found myself fielding the old why-are-you-this-way/are-you-scared-of-men questions again. He said they really didn't have those kinds of people in India very much. Which is usual; nobody seems to think they share their country with a bunch of big ol' queers. He also said, in his confusion, "Uh... good choice." I rather think so.